Thursday, July 3, 2008

bored on a fake friday night...

so over the last week i have come to terms that i am really lacking in the friends department -- this was really shown to me yesterday when i sent a text to someone i used to find so dear and got the response "who is this" -- i mean, wow, what a slap in the face...i mean i know that we havent talked in like forever, but still...delete my phone number... wowza

whats wrong with me? am i like a total super bitch? i currently feel like i have no one except my dogs...i feel like nothing is going as planned...and that nothing is going to work out for me...ahh...i must stop the negative words coming from my mouth...but seriously -- i have felt like my chest is going to cave in for like the last week...i cant remember the last time i smiled, and truly meant it...pretty sad huh? i miss the days when i didnt have a care in the world -- the day where i was so proud of myself and everything i had accomplished -- what am i now? not moving into the house i want, living in a freaking apartment...with 3 dogs...amazing...

anyways...i wish i had something lighter to talk about...humm...i guess the one good thing that i have going on right now is my determination to work out and make it a priority in my life -- i do it at a minimum of 5 days a week, and for at least 1 hour each time...pretty amazing huh? yeah...i feel pretty accomplished for sticking with it -- normally i would have given up by now...but i guess i have that fear inside me -- that i will be one of those fat pregnant girls...lol...and i refuse to get fat...just wanna gain what i need to...

on another note, baby ella is a kicking machine -- though an outsider would likely call me a liar -- ive tried and tried to get jon to feel it, but he just cant....but i know what i feel and she is a mover...mostly at night or when im sitting at my desk at work...i cant wait to see her next...i have a doctor appointment next friday, so hopefully they will schedule my next ultrasound then...cause i know miss jessica is dying for some pics :)

1 comment:

Jessica Zevely said...

Hey girlie! Don't be sad, I'm sure the pregnancy is making you emotional, remember that. Give the belly some lovin from me!!!

Love ya :)